No, You Don’t Have to Wait On Your Spouse

We got a call the other day from a long time reader who said,

“I just realized I was waiting for —– to do something about the drinking and it wasn’t going to happen unless I did something about my end of the equation.”

How did that turn out? Our reader booked a week to figure out how to change his part in the dynamics of the relationship, invited the designated “problem person” to come along, but made it clear that he were getting help regardless.

Guess what. They both showed up and the week went well.


Because our caller quit waiting for the drinker to change first.

Frankly, most of us, when we’re in the midst of our drinking spiral, may not be up to making the first change. We’ll postpone forever, or make feeble attempts, or do things that look like doing something, but aren’t.

Frequently we’ll silently wish someone would take the initiative and get the process started.

Meanwhile, we’ll go to AA or Alanon; we’ll sign up for once-a-week therapy; and, yes, we’ll read our Newsletter.

But we won’t actually do anything until some new crisis comes along and propels us to make that phone call. Even then, we’ll stop at the phone call.

The result is that we will continue along in our frightened and miserable existence while avoiding a better future because we are so damn scared of being happy, or needing a little help, or annoying our spouse, or just the unknown.

The solution? Whether you’re the one with the drinking problem, or the loved one of the drinker, quit reading and quit conning yourself, and make that call.

It really isn’t all that hard!

“One Size Fits All Treatment”

Your alcohol abuse is a response to a set of conditions unique to you and responsive to an equally individual “cure”.

That’s why we stress that we treat your alcohol abuse within the context of your day-to-day life. Let’s face it, that’s where your mis-use of alcohol occurs, and that’s where it’s going to get fixed.

The treatment industry has successfully conned the public with the myth that you need to “go away to rehab” for 30, 60, or 90 days. It sure is profitable – especially given a product with a success rate that’s 0% better than not going away to their program.

Factor in not just the out-of-pocket expense but the public exposure as an “alcoholic” – which you probably aren’t – time away from work, indoctrination into a cult you may never escape, and all of the depressing, crippling, and demeaning aspects of assuming the mantra of “powerlessness” – well, it’s not hard to see where that train goes.

Yes, you’ll return and soon be drinking more than ever (but at least now you’ll have the comfort of knowing you can’t help it, you are, after all, “powerless” over your “disease” and everyone should stay off your case cuz you are “working your program” and, if they’re “messing with your recovery,” it’ll be their fault when you “relapse”).

Sound familiar?

Alternatives? We have one. Spend 5 days with us sorting out the reasons and options, and then spend another 12 weeks working with us from home to end your alcohol abuse where it lives.

What else? Involve your spouse – and we are the only program that does that – so that the end result is increased intimacy, not the increased isolation that all AA/12 Step programs demand.

Remember, the real predictors of success in overcoming alcohol abuse are:

  • Belief in yourself (not “powerless”)!
  • A supportive spouse or family!
  • Real short term help, not a life long label!

Odds and Ends…

The Federation of State Physician Advocacy Groups (FSPAG) lists us as a preferred provider of effective and confidential services through our Licensed Professionals Program.

Whether you’re a doctor, lawyer, teacher, therapist, or other licensed of certificated professional, you can work with us without fear of exposure.

Ten Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Sent My Brother Off To Rehab is Mary Ellen’s popular article on what she learned the hard way ten years ago about the treatment industry.

Women and Alcohol – What To Consider In Treatment and why women need and deserve services built around women’s needs, not just another recycled (and failed) men’s program – which is all anyone else has to offer.


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Remember, whether you need to abstain or cut back, or discover what’s possible for you, we’re here to help.

For information, or just to talk, one of us answers the phone personally from 8:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m., Pacific Time, unless we are with a client.

If we don’t answer, leave your name and number and one of us will usually be able to get back to you within an hour.