What is a Real “Support Group”? Another 12 Step myth is that one needs the AA “support” group (or Alanon for all of you enabling “co-dependents”) and this will be a life-long association. The truth is exactly the opposite.

We also received another interesting letter offering another perspective. “D” unsubscribed from the Newsletter with the following comment: “I no longer require your emails. They were very helpful. Keep up the great work. I have passed this on to other friends who needed to read these. Best, D.”

We get letters: "The May 10th Newsletter really hit home for me. Before I went to you, my sister suggested we visit a local "hospital" for my 'drinking issues.' To appease her, I went for a visit. Once there, we sat with a young kid 'marketing' person. I got no tour of the facility nor a description of what they did there. "

Accusations, Professionals, and the Kafkaesque Labyrinth That Ensues. In the 19th century, Booth Tarkington wrote, “Two things will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one is that he has taken to drink.” The only thing that has changed since then is that the “rule” now applies to women too.

Grief and Alcohol Abuse - Many people start drinking too much when they experience a significant loss of a loved one. Not too surprisingly with our middle-aged clients, it tends to be the loss of a parent rather than a spouse or child. Drinking goes from social or heavy social to way over the top. For a few weeks to a couple of months, this is fairly normal and not really a huge concern. The pain is so great that many people need a little respite from it. But when this continues for several years, there is a problem.

Leaving AA - We get a number of calls and e-mails from folks who think it’s time to leave AA behind but are frightened by the brainwashing they have undergone as well as being affected by the 12 Step nonsense their spouses and families have swallowed. This excerpt from a recent inquiry typifies many of the common themes expressed by those who have outgrown “The Program”:

What is “Private” Treatment? Recently I’ve noticed that the search term “private alcohol treatment,” or variations on that theme, are leading people to our website. I assume that they are looking for confidential assistance with a difficult problem which is proving resistant to their, or your, solo efforts.

Working With Older Clients I started working out at a gym shortly before my 60th birthday. In picking a gym, I chose a small, private gym where two of the trainers were men in their 70s. Why? Two significant reasons. First, I didn’t see any value in joining a meat market operation for people in their 20s and 30s. Second, I needed trainers who understood aging bodies and who knew that “just work through it” was not the right answer to every question.

Loevinger, Congruency, and Easing the Discord - The one piece of formal assessment we do is Dr. Jane Loevinger’s Washington University Sentence Completion Test. This measure of emotional and psychological maturity has been shown to differentiate between those AA helps, harms and kills.

Smart Choices, Not Automatic Ones We often note that the most difficult part of changing your life isn’t giving up alcohol (or carbs, sloth, or “disease”) but habit. Probably 95+% of what any of us do during the course of our days is the repetition of comfortable routines – routines that for the most part, work for us, saving us from needless attention to settled matters.