Leaving AA & the 12 Steps Behind Increasingly we are helping people leave AA, Steps, Meetings, and the other life denying, demeaning, and diminishing aspects of “in recovery” behind. This came about almost accidentally. We have always made deprogramming from the AA mythology which pervades our culture, and hence our thinking, a part of our work with you. It’s necessary to dispel the false notions which lead to anxiety about what giving up the misuse of alcohol really means.

Our Program Even after 12 years we sometimes forget that our program model is unique and often difficult to understand, as are you. Therefore, I thought it was long overdue that I attempt to give you a comprehensive program description. First, we need to consider and clear away the ideas we all have been taught about therapy, counseling, rehab, and the usual forms of assistance we have considered or at tempted.

Sabotaging Spouses (and others) When you stop drinking there are things neither you nor your spouse are prepared for. But let’s start with expectations. Almost without exception, spouses and other family members think that nothing is going to change. Everything will go along just like “before” except you won’t be drinking. Guess again. To whatever degree you drinking has impacted others, not drinking will affect them as much, or even more.

Depression! Among the things we frequently self-medicate is depression. This is a particularly insidious condition when mixed with Alcohol. Why? Drinking is essentially a two stage activity. Initially there is the “buzz” which, briefly, offsets the depression. But alcohol is itself a depressant so the greater effect is to exacerbate and prolong our depression.

Semantics We frequently discuss with clients the necessity of being very careful about how we talk to ourselves, about ourselves, and our misuse of alcohol. Along these lines we recommend that you purge “alcoholic,” “alcoholism,” “in recovery,” and “relapse” from your working vocabulary. Why? These are all loaded terms with expectations that are counter-productive and do vastly more harm than good. In fact, they do no good at all.

Last week’s Newsletter….. Last week’s “Guest Editorial” generated a considerable amount of response, mostly positive. Many of you noted that there doesn’t seem to be any “program” that addresses all of the issues which underlay misusing alcohol. For the most part you’re right. We have the AA cult, numerous personality cults, some science based approaches which disregard the personal, and so on. The problem is, as we have noted for years, none of these address the mosaic of problems most of you are self-medicating.

Our Newsletter, website, articles, and public appearances often generate comments ranging from great appreciation to death threats. Mostly the comments are positive, considerate, and thought provoking. The following response to an article is without a doubt the most insightful we have ever received and, without necessarily agreeing with everything, we do know that it is worthy of reflection. Consequently, in a unique departure from 8 years of Newsletters, we are turning this week’s over to the anonymous writer with only modest proofreading changes.

Pseudo-egalitarianism “If the only tool you have is a hammer, then every problem looks like a nail.” This old quote, with many attributions, summarizes the fundamental problem with AA, the 12 Steps, and treatment based on them. Pseudo-egalitarianism, a nice fifty cent word, my great aunts would have said, means that the Steps not only assume that all alcohol misuse is a “nail” but only one kind of nail at that. Hence, everyone must be an “alcoholic” or an “alcoholic in denial.”

You Self-Image and Alcohol Abuse Just as habit patterns contribute to maintaining our misuse of alcohol, so does our self- image. Look at advertising – all advertising – and you can easily see that what’s being sold isn’t a product but images of what this product will do for you. The two classics were the Marlboro Man and the Virginia Slims cigarette campaigns. Both among the most successful ever. Sex + Self-Image = Sales. Just drink Dos XX’s and you too can be the most interesting man in the world. Select that $30/bottle Chardonnay and you are the most glamorous woman at the country club. And there’s the crystal glassware, sterling silver ice bucket, and... It’s all about fantasy land, and you can move right in, temporarily, if you just drink, and drink and drink.

I’m Sure You’ve Heard the Story… The story of the man who traveled the globe in search of the answer to the question, “What’s the meaning of life?” Broke, exhausted, and completely discouraged, he had just enough inner resources left to crawl up to a cave in the Himalayas where he’d heard a wise old guru lived and that he knew the answer. Struggling up to the cave’s entrance he uttered a weak plea, “Oh wise man, what is the meaning of life?” The annoyed old man came out of the cave, looked at the desperate pilgrim, and said, “Doing stuff.”