Assertiveness Clarified Following my article on Assertiveness, a reader commented: “I was really intrigued by this week's newsletter focus on women and assertiveness training as an essential crux. But how do you define assertiveness in your practice? Physical challenges and exercises certainly help develop women develop a sense of power, but it has always concerned me that the whole concept of assertiveness has become a little fuzzy and risks becoming a buzzword similar to what has happened with the term 'empowerment.'” The commenting reader is, of course, correct. It’s easy to assume that everyone agrees on a words definition when such is not the case. Or that the way to achieve “assertiveness” is the sort of one way fits all that AA demands (though, of course, assertiveness is anathema to Steppers).

A Follow-up on Last Week’s Warning About Being Railroaded into Rehab. One reader “unsubscribed” stating: “Many people die from alcohol abuse. This was a dangerous post”. For the life of me, I can’t imagine how warning people about charlatans, rehab scams, and kick-backs can be dangerous – and I never suggested that people don’t die from “alcohol abuse” – far fewer would die if the condition were treated early (not at AA’s “rock bottom”) and effectively. Another commented that I was, perhaps, being a bit too hard of physicians, therapists, psychologists, etc. Perhaps.

The “You’re Going to Die!” Con Game. I recently heard from a woman who had fallen victim to the old “You’re going to die!” scam perpetuated by Physicians and Therapists working in conjunction with 12 Step rehabs in a mutually profitable predatory arrangement. How’s it work? The victim goes to their physician, therapist, psychiatrist or other “health care” provider who “decides” you have a life-threatening alcoholism problem which is going to kill you unless you receive immediate treatment at this particular (and expensive) rehab, and there is no time to lose.

News? Alcohol-Related Deaths Among Woman Are Rising Sharply. January saw a host of news reports that the death rate for women from alcohol related causes had risen sharply over the past decade. That came as no surprise to us, though it may have to you. With the news came the predictable “Why? Why? Why?” lament. There are any number of contributive causes, not least of which are relaxed social sanctions against young women drinking like young men. Trouble with that is, alcohol is not a politically correct drug. Stated another way, alcohol does twice as much damage to women as it does to men – and, no, that’s not a matter of size.

“Geographic Cures” The idea of “geographic cures” is roundly ridiculed in traditional treatment and 12-Step circles. The usual rhetoric goes along the lines of, “you’re the problem and where you go, you’re still there.” That disdain, however, usually comes from those who wish to continue to be a part of “your problem,” be that a family member, AA group, or other entity with a vested interest in you never recovering.

Authority vs Responsibility Many who come to work with us discover that a significant problem is with unbalanced relationships, whether spousal, familial, professional, or personal. This commonly involves a controlling spouse, parent, or friend and virtually always includes passivity and passive-aggressive drinking (“try and control this you #@##!). Additionally, alcohol provides us with a “protective bubble” we can escape into and block out the demands, criticisms, and/or abuse that are heaped upon us.

Avoidance – Self-Medication’s Biggest Benefit Whether it’s conscious or not, all of our behavioral choices are rooted in a cost/benefit analysis. For example, we choose to marry, or not, depending on our considerations of loneliness vs companionship; financial security vs uncertainty; sexual access vs frustration; family and community expectations vs displeasing these same entities. All of these, and many other considerations, play a part even though we soon learn that marriage didn’t confer any of the benefits we thought it would.

2020? Already? With the holiday hoopla – that probably started before Halloween – now safely behind us, we are all now left with what to do with the rest of the year. Yes, I know that individual years do run one into the next, just as birthdays do, but I also know we all [...]

A New Year & Decade Dawns. Most of us find that some dates more important than others. We celebrate anniversaries, birthdays, New Year’s, and new decades with varying degrees of excitement or dread, resolutions to improve, or resign ourselves to whatever circumstances life and chance have assigned to us. Behind all of these emotions lay two unalterable facts: one is that our only finite resource is time, and the second that we have no idea what amount we still have in our account.

Do You Really Need a “Group?” I follow, and occasionally contribute to, a number of Facebook groups such as “leaving AA” and other similar online discussion entities. What I notice most frequently is that the last bastion of the various cults is the notion that you need a “group” in order to change your behaviors. Admittedly, this can be helpful in the short run for someone who needs to be deprogrammed from 12 Step mythology, or who has been regressed to the point that they need the security of a group in order to implement the major changes associated with exiting a cult. This is quite understandable.