Linda was 51 when her alcohol consumption began to grow. Her career had peaked when she was in her 40s and she was fine with that; her son and daughter had gone off to college and lives of their own and she liked that too. Still, neither work nor home interested her much and with the kids gone there weren't any distractions left to help her ignore the distance she felt from her husband of 25 years. There were also all of the uncomfortable physical changes, hormonal confusion, and, well, simply restlessness. Increasingly Linda felt pulled between wanting to do something, (anything!), and settling into middle aged depression. Too many days, with the help of her wine and liquor cabinet she seemed to be passively choosing the latter.

She'd mentioned that she was getting a little concerned about how much time she was spending drinking and her husband suggested she try an AA meeting. She had. Once. That was enough. She knew she didn't have a disease, and she certainly wasn't powerless.

Linda's restlessness and dissatisfaction continued until she found us during one late night web browsing marathon. Intrigued, she called the next day, more curious than anything. After a long conversation with Mary Ellen, Linda decided that she had nothing to lose and possibly a great deal to gain by coming out to spend five days with us. Her husband was invited but chose not to accompany her.

It didn't take long to sort out Linda's alcohol use. Freed from work and parenting concerns, she found herself afraid of all of the choices she had. It seemed easier to limit herself with alcohol and the almost comfortable depression that followed. But she was too smart for that to be a satisfactory long term solution. Too smart, creative, and, well, too alive.

Assessment work included adult emotional and psychological development considerations, Ed's specialty. Mary Ellen and Linda focused on real women's issues and stumbling blocks and active solutions to these. She was also referred to one the country's top endocrinologists who specialized in women's Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).

By the third day Linda was smiling more, with a bit of fearful anticipation leavening her days. Longevity assessments suggested that in all likelihood she would live to be 90 and her current "real" age was closer to 44 than 51. With any luck, she had half her life left. Way too early to settle into boredom and gloom, but also filled with a lot of "Oh, God, what do I do now?"

For Linda, alcohol abuse was about avoiding the "What do I do now?" and quelling the accompanying anxiety. The best alternative for smart, competent people like her was to actively turn her life into her own most interesting research project. How, despite the fear, could she create a new life that was more satisfactory than one centered around alcohol?

Linda's last two days with us were ones of sorting and planning. What was she interested in doing? In stopping? In trying? What was working in her life? What was not working? She was already disengaged from her work, children, and, increasingly, her husband. Was there anything there she wanted to try and salvage and, if so, how?

At the end of our final session Linda had looked at us and said, "We never talked much about my drinking."

"No," we said, "because it isn't about drinking . focus on that and you'll go back to it. It's about getting a life."

Linda went back home with a workable plan, activities to try, topics to discuss with her husband, and a schedule of weekly phone sessions with Mary Ellen to discuss progress and all of the unexpected things that arise when people begin living their lives, running risks, learning and growing.

Time is passing, Linda is changing, and so are the people around her. It's still scary at times, but also exhilarating. The alcohol focus is gone, as is brooding about the past. The future contains more "I wonder how I am going to turn out?" and less dreading what seemed like the unavoidable decline into a miserable old age. She's putting more attention into enjoying her life and seeing new possibilities, and far less time into resenting the past and life's missed opportunities. Long term plans and accomplishments have replaced alcohol's short term relief.

It isn't surprising that women's unique considerations in their use of alcohol and needs in treatment have been ignored or neglected. Most treatment programs, even those supposedly addressing the "special needs of women," continue to use a 12 Step model appropriate for only a small minority of men, and far fewer women. Additionally, because facilities are generally opened and staffed by men who are themselves relatively successful AA adherents, the philosophy and approaches tend to remain male dominated.

And there are significant differences that should not be ignored under the mistaken belief that alcohol is an equal opportunity disease subject to only one cure.

Differences begin with the first drink. At the most basic level, men and women differ physiologically in alcohol absorption, processing, and retention. Put simply, women are more susceptible to intoxication. They are not, however, more apt to become alcohol abusers, dependents, or addicts. When they do, the reasons are different and so are the cures.

Once again, differences matter. Most men tend to drink actively, semi-socially, and to avoid something. Women are more inclined to reclusive drinking and excessive ruminating. Programs like AA tend to get men to slow down and process more and act out less. That's good for some male alcoholics. It's exactly the opposite of what most women need.

Women are better served by replacing endless contemplation with self-enhancing activities that also reduce isolation, without fixating on alcohol. Underlying anger and loneliness need to be addressed actively and creatively. Where men need permission to stop running, women need to quit waiting.

At Y.E.S. we are dedicated to helping individuals find personal solutions to the particular situations in which they find themselves. Generalities, and "active men" or "passive women" are certainly generalities, only form a basis for discussion and exploration, not a rule for prescribing or limiting treatment options.

Please call, let's discuss how we can help you plan your own future - a better, more satisfying, and healthier life.

We truly believe that you have the capacity to make the changes needed to turn your life around. You are not powerless.

Call Your Empowering Solutions today at 310-541-6350 or toll free at 888-541-6350

Alcohol's Destructive Intrusion Into Women's Lives
By Dr. Mary Ellen Barnes, President, Y.E.S.

Whether as drinkers or not, or as wives, mothers, sisters or friends, employers or employees, most of us have experienced alcohol's destructive intrusion into our lives or the lives of those around us. Perhaps we have felt our own use slipping out of control, or been affected by others, or tried to figure out what we might do to help those we love. Regardless of our involvement, most of us have felt confused and uncertain about how to help ourselves or anyone else.

Alcohol abuse, dependence, and addiction are health matters about which little is said, and much of what is believed is wrong. Because of this, it is easy to start down a treatment path which results in more frustration than relief. It is, however, possible to work one's way out of the alcohol induced fog, to assist another in doing so, and to redirect life to new and productive goals.

As with any complicated and difficult task, in order to succeed, it may be necessary to seek out qualified help. As in most areas of personal growth, (and yes, I consider working your way out of alcohol abuse to be the ultimate in personal growth), it's easier to accomplish with the encouragement, expertise, and the motivation that a good guide will provide. Think of it in the same way you would when hiring a personal trainer, a coach, a doctor, weight loss specialist, or psychologist.

Remember too, as in all areas of personal change, nothing works for everyone. Indeed, most alcohol treatment programs work for less than 10% of those who try them. So to maximize your success when looking for a program, keep these tips in mind:

Seek help that is not committed to a single approach; Look for professionals who specialize; Discuss different outcomes (moderation vs. abstinence, for example); Look for educational diversity in staffing backgrounds (being an alcoholic does not confer any special ability for helping others).

As in most of life, your success with easing your own problems, or in helping others, will be achieved through motivation, optimism, good planning, and consistent effort. Humor will also be required. So will a willingness to give new things, activities, and people a chance.

Begin thinking of change as an adventure, not a sentence inflicted on you. Yes, adventures usually involve some discomfort and a little fear and homesickness for the way things were. But they can also uncover new sides to you and your life, new activities, skills, and pleasures. All things you would have missed out on had you not taken a chance.

Call us today, toll free at 888-541-6350 or in Los Angeles at 310-541-6350